An Extremely Passionate POV Against Extremes

Typically when I turn on my computer to do some work, send some pics through Facebook to my family, and to catch up on emails I come across some posts. Many of these posts seem to be related to:

• Health
• Education
• Sport
• Parenting

The posts, typically, having one thing in common. It’s not the content. It’s the extreme tone that is taken.

Since I work in the first three sectors and am eager to learn more about the fourth (my kids’ would probably want me to, at least), I tend to skim the posts. It amazes me how often these posts are written from such a harsh stance. Not only do many of these posts offer ‘far to one side extremes’ they almost put down the opposite perspective, and forget the middle completely.

To make matters more entertaining the harshest of all posts tend to be written by people outside the area being discussed. Journalist editorials criticizing education (they are out of touch). Parents belittling all coaches (they’re crazy). Educators criticizing today’s parents (they don’t parent). Fit people criticizing unfit people (they’re lazy). Unfit people criticizing fit people (they’re boastful). Of course, there are exceptions ... but where, I ask, are the warm and fuzzy posts? You see, while surely we all know folks who fit into the extreme category, do we really think we can generalize so easily?

The problem with this method, of course, is that we are spending more time ranting or trying to convince others of our perspective than we are trying to critically think about the issues.

For example.

When we talk about educators and coaches doing a huge disservice for “shielding kids from the sting of losing” calling “sports day” “field day” - we get all excited and think the guy is a genius. One coach suggested the author actually be given a Nobel Peace Prize (he’s a college coach and that is a different situation in many ways). And, I respect anyone who is vulnerable to put herself/himself out there - trust me, it takes guts. Yet, we forget a few facts:

• Most kids don’t have access to sport. So, I’m not sure how coaches are ruining today’s generation of youth when the majority of youth aren’t even participating in sport. Now, if you are a college coach - that’s a different animal.
• Not all kids have stable parents that will help connections of losing in sport to life away from sport. Research tells us that kids can feel ashamed if they lose or guilty for spending parents’ money to participate if they don’t perform well. In other words, I would say these kids are experiencing a much harsher reality of “loss” than any sport could teach them.

I hate to be literal but a “sports day” is not a “sports day” if activities include potato sack racing. Simply put - potato sack races are not sport. They are physical activities. The point? For fun and physical activity at an intensity that is optimal for health benefit. Of course there are winners and losers but I’m not sure how applauding all for showing up and racing against each other keeps anyone down. The competitive kids will be competitive. Trust me, I know this from experience. What it will do - however - is allow those who don’t participate in sport (because they don’t want to or because their families can’t afford it) to have fun in a physical active setting.

Why do we care?
This is a public health issue - not one about raising wimpy citizens. It makes sound economic sense to have kids participating in sport and enjoying it in a way that will increase their likeliness of participating through adulthood. It saves money. Period.

There are also those people who think the world is going to hell in a hand basket. We “don’t raise kids like we used to.”  Well, I hate to break the news to everyone - but “the way we used to” didn’t work either. At least, if you look at it from a public health perspective.

Huh? Well, today’s North American adults are the:

• Most sedentary...
• Most obese...
• Most addicted to sugar...
• Population with the highest rates of preventative disease in our history than ever before

Unfortunately, the majority of our society would much rather sit around and watch football and drink beer and eat pizza than go outside and throw a Frisbee. So, if ‘today’s youth’ is so screwed up and today’s adults know ‘what’s up’...then, why is that so much money is being pumped into health care to deal with the rapid onset of Type 2 diabetes, cancer, and heart disease (much of which can be prevented through healthy diet and exercise). Why is that the majority of kids historically drop out of sport during puberty? Why is that those who were “toughened up” during their youth are now sedentary and eat unhealthy foods despite the research that can not be argued with?

I’m a researcher. I have to ask these questions. And, if you met my partner (“MacGyver” - a scientist since youth) you would further understand. We want the hypothesis tested. Far from perfect, we try hard to determine why it is that we believe what we do - and, we are open to changing our minds (if we can prove through our research why we should). I’m not saying those reading this don’t do this...I’m saying many posting extreme commentary do not.

I suggest that when we research, comment, and address issues in these areas (and others) we do so with a balanced perspective. Otherwise, we become propaganda not unlike Fox News and MSNBC. We appear as though we are shouting at each other rather than asking “why” something is.

To be clear - just so you don’t think I “get it” (re: the example above), I do. When a coach told me “you suck” at soccer it motivated me. I wanted to prove the jerk-face wrong. When I asked a professor for a letter of reference one time for an on campus job and he responded “I’m not sure I can help you” it motivated me more than ever to get the dang job (which, I did). I have been ignored. I have been turned down. I have been cut from teams. I have been bullied. And yes, it made me stronger.

But, guess what?

• I have two loving parents who were always there for me when I got home.
• I always had at least several friends who told me I had something to offer the world.
• I was able to afford/attain an education (X 3).
• I am white. And, I have privileges because of this.
• I was not cursed with horrible genetics.
• I grew up in a great neighborhood, in an awesome town, in a beautiful province, in the best country in the world.
• I had four siblings to look up to and three older ones who paved the way.

And guess what else? Most people suggesting that “we shouldn’t shield kids from losing” have lists very similar to me. That’s because many (not all) of them (like me) experienced their major defeats in sport. Because our childhood was so damn good.

So you see, unlike some of my former students (some who had parents in jail and others who were homeless) it was our deck to throw away. But, as an educator and a coach, I’ll be damned if I am going to use my platform in school and sport to belittle and try to toughen kids up. In my humble experience, these kids need to be loved. They need to be supported. Their stories tell us it was a coach who went out of his/her way for them that encouraged them to continue competing.

In education, we call this differentiated instruction. It’s not back and it’s not white. It’s teaching lessons in a way that push some kids who are gifted in a content area and provide refinements for those who struggle with the same concept. We (educators) do this so that we don’t hold kids back and keep others motivated. In coaching, we might do this by inviting some kids to use their non-dominant foot/hand in a sporting activity at practice. Others, we might allow two touches on a ball rather than one. Again, we do this to push those who are more talented (so we don’t hold them back) and support those who haven’t yet developed to their fullest potential. We can run a tight ship and still support, love, and allow kids to have fun. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. We can teach life lessons in sport without having them run sprints if someone yawns.

So hell ya...if your kids need you to draw a line and help teach them lessons. Go for it. But, please, as an educator, sport coach, health coach, and mom, please make sure you consider the kid. Please make sure that you get to know each kid. Please make sure you remember that kid is someone’s baby - someone’s child. Please understand that kid might be abused, have learning disabilities, be likely to quit sport in during teenage years, and struggle socially. Please remember that on the way home from a game, while you ask your kid how she/he did and supported her/him - another parent might be criticizing every single move that his/her child did in the same game on their drive home.

Your choosing to support rather than “toughen up” (not that the two can’t be done interchangeably and in a positive way) can keep that kid in sport. It can keep that kid coming to school. It can increase the chances that kid will be physically active throughout the teenage years (and, hopefully beyond).

Remember you didn’t walk up hill to school both ways in the snow without boots...nor did I. Neither did our parents - and I seem to recall a lot of concern when they were our age about the very same issues. I don’t think we all turned out so bad - do you?

Can we all agree to do the best we can given the parameters we have? Can we not judge an entire profession or conclude that our parenting philosophy is the one that all should adhere too? If we read about something going on with a company, an industry, a civil war overseas - let’s become educated on the full topic before we reach a conclusion. Most times, it’s not far extreme at all. It’s muddy and confusing and it taps our brain. It (the thinking process) helps us grow. It can change our mind, our philosophy, and make us better citizens of the world.

Our kids are different. We are different. We have different personalities and strengths that we bring to the table. What works for one might not work for another.

So, what do you say?
Can we stop looking for the black and white in a situation and determine the best is likely out there in sight?